lunes, febrero 20, 2006

Por toda la escuadra


Queridos amigos:

el que marca un gol y no lo cuenta es como el que naufraga con Leticia Casta y la obliga a vestirse de hombre para poder contarle a qué tía se está pasando por la piedra. Y es que genera una ansiedad terrible no poder compartir la dicha con un amigo.

Aunque yo sé que ustedes son listos, listos (y una prueba evidente de ello no sólo es que estén en este instante leyendo a H.Wells & X.Bea-Murguía (su blog y el nuestro), es que han llegado ya al segundo párrafo), se lo voy a contar despacito para mayor regalo de sus oídos. Yo estaba en la frontal del área grande, en la izquierda, a la salida de un córner, cuando, tras un toque de Gonzalo Medina, me viene el balón blandito, blandito, dando vueltas sin perderme la cara, sonriendo como una bailarina que te pide a gritos: "¡Dame una patada!¡Dame una patada!" y yo, que siempre he sido un cabestro y no me gusta la danza clásica, sin enconmendarme ni a Dios ni al Diablo, según veo que me viene, le atizó "tremendo mandao" un derechazo de rosca y mando un pepino, un tomahawk, un meteorito impelido por la fuerza de dos mundos, TOTALMENTE IMPARABLE, por toda la escuadra. Si yo llevara ropa interior femenina, ya estaríamos hablando del nuevo Beckham, pero la vida es así de injusta. No lo habría parado ni Iker Casillas. Por toda la escuadra.

Me he retirado del fútbol, porque, claro, ustedes se harán cargo. El público me va a exigir esto todos los días. Por toda la escuadra. ¿El resultado de Racing Culebras? No me acuerdo. Por toda la escuadra. ¿El resultado del Real Madrid-Alavés? El del marcador, ya lo conocen (un robo). El del partido, narcolepsia total y la alegría de volver a ver a Kike Pérez. El de la barra libre del palco, muy apretado, el árbitro no sabía si decantarse por mi primo Kiko o por mi primo Coe. Nunca el Real Madrid ha estado tan cerca de la quiebra que el sábado invitándonos a cubatas. Yo, personalmente, no es que tuviera sed, es que tenía ganas de arruinar a la entidad blanca. Por eso lo hice. De hecho, cuando el camarero vio que era el minuto 20 de la segunda parte y que nosotros no habíamos vuelto al campo, que seguíamos allí, acodados en la barra con un estilazo y un dominio dignos del mismísimo John Wayne, nos dijo:

-- "Ustedes no han venido aquí a ver el fútbol".
-- "¿Cómo que no, hombre de Dios? Si hay una televisión ahí colgada donde se ve fenomenal. Si pasan hasta las repeticiones... Pónganos un ron y dos whiskies por toda la escuadra".

X. Bea-Murguía

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